Confession time: my life or death essay that I’ve been pissing and moaning about for weeks? I didn’t make the Friday deadline. I have never missed a deadline in my life, and I know what you’re thinking: it’s a bit daring, and not just a bit sexy. Regardless, I feel ever so slightly bad about it, and there’s no payoff like there is for other naughty things (cf. sex, drugs, stealing) instead there’s just even more free time blighted by the finer points of how annoying ideology is as a concept. Given that I attend the university that I do, I also can never decide whether to err on the side of caution and be all “whoohoo! lefty stuff!” or rip the piss out of Communism like I usually do. So, to summarise, being an undergraduate is terribly irritating. Three years until graduation (even less until I wander off to Syria), and I can’t bloody wait.
Confession #2: If you could see the sheer oomph and enthusiasm with which I’m singing along to “Miss You Nights”, you’d either kill me out of pity or believe my depression was cured. Elaine Paige and CLIFF! Live! (By the way, this is clearly PTSD from when I worked all those freakish weeks on Cliff: the Musical. How I wish I were kidding.)
Also, how thoroughly and depressingly shite are England lately? Second Choice Steve, with his Boots teeth bleaching and Donald Trump quiff, gets on my wick at the very best of times but you have to question the FA when the very best they could manage for a ‘world class team’ is a manager from the dizzy heights of mediocrity at Middlesborough. The man comes out after a 4-0 win and talks about how many miles the guys ran, you start wondering if he’s not a London 2012 saboteur, trying to wreck football as the national sport and divert some of its megabucks to demolishing Hackney or whatever it is we’re meant to be doing for the next five years.
I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the rugby. That giant dude playing for France who looks like the second choice for playing Hagrid (with no need for camera trickery!)! Ronan O’Gara who kicks everything and scores everything! Watching Scotland and finally remembering that Big Gav Hastings doesn’t play anymore! You can’t buy that kind of entertainment.