“flowers grow through my window, and I love you again”

It is with great reserve and a mountain of empirical investigation that I can conclude the following:

GARDENING SUCKS.

What mystifies me most is how this crippling exertion doesn’t kill more of the old people so obsessed by it. It’s geriatric central around where I live, according to UpMyStreet (my postcode omitted because I’d rather not be stalked, thanks) and I’m surprised they’re not dropping into their azaleas as I stroll past them on the street. I am covered in dirt, bruised, bleeding and itchy. It’s worse than a night out in Glasgow, for Gawd’s sake!

The icing on the particularly unpleasant cake is the minimal level of satisfaction. Having transformed our non-tropical rainforest into the neatness expected in suburbia, there’s no reward beyond not saying “I must do something with the garden” five times a day. Had I more disposable income, and if I actually cared enough, I would have called in a ‘gardening service’ as so many of the monied folks around here seem to. Though I doubt I’d feel comfortable living in such souless perfection, to a girl who grew up in a tiny flat, gardens are only for running amok in when the chance presents itself. I think the solution is to pave over the garden in whatever place we eventually buy, and get genetically modified plants that don’t grow or require any attention, ever.

To add insult to injury, it’s just another stick in the burning fire of my youth that I ought to be misspending. Or maybe I’m still sour from the lady in Boots recommending me a night cream. Youthful skin, people. It’s not that bad yet, surely?

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7 responses to ““flowers grow through my window, and I love you again”

  1. It’s true, isn’t it? The more you do to the garden, the more you *have* to do! Hmmph.

  2. It’s madness! I know that I’ll be out there before too long tidying up even more garden mess.

  3. Gardening is rubbish. That’s really all I have to say about that.

  4. It’s not the most provocative of subjects really, is it? I just needed a grumble more than anything 😉

  5. Jaysus, I dare say all those involved in those 10,000 gardening programmes would choose to disagree. I never did see the point of those.

  6. I’ll probably end up murdered by an irate neighbour who disapproves of my water feature or something equally inane. I can’t understand people actually sitting down to watch gardening on telly. Unless it was extreme gardening, like how to plant bulbs in the midst of a warzone – I’d watch that at a push!

  7. Two new studies show why some people are more attractive for members of the opposite sex than others.

    The University of Florida, Florida State University found that physically attractive people almost instantly attract the attention of the interlocutor, sobesednitsy with them, literally, it is difficult to make eye. This conclusion was reached by a series of psychological experiments, which were determined by the people who believe in sending the first seconds after the acquaintance. Here, a curious feature: single, unmarried experimental preferred to look at the guys, beauty opposite sex, and family, people most often by representatives of their sex.

    The authors believe that this feature developed a behavior as a result of the evolution: a man trying to find a decent pair to acquire offspring. If this is resolved, he wondered potential rivals. Detailed information about this magazine will be published Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

    In turn, a joint study of the Rockefeller University, Rockefeller University and Duke University, Duke University in North Carolina revealed that women are perceived differently by men smell. During experiments studied the perception of women one of the ingredients of male pheromone-androstenona smell, which is contained in urine or sweat.

    The results were startling: women are part of this repugnant odor, and the other part is very attractive, resembling the smell of vanilla, and the third group have not felt any smell. The authors argue that the reason is that the differences in the receptor responsible for the olfactory system, from different people are different.

    It has long been proven that mammals (including human) odor is one way of attracting the attention of representatives of the opposite sex. A detailed article about the journal Nature will publish.

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