So, I sort of hate Beth Ditto. It’s been brewing for a while, and for ages I’ve been just putting it down to the fact that I can’t really stand The Gossip.
I can admit that it’s perhaps slightly rooted in spite or jealousy – after all, if any fat lezzbian is going to be rich and famous and allowed to sing in public, it really ought to be me. But the longer it goes on, the more places that her annoying face pops up, the more tempted I am to smack her one.
Truthfully, I didn’t know she existed until the bezzer happened to be interviewing her. At first the camaraderie of the obvious things-we-have-in-common made me at least receptive to liking her, but that somehow failed to materialise.
I don’t find her attractive, but that’s subjective at best. What really grinds my gears is this patronising nonsense that has sprung up around her, with all the skinny indie freaks who’d top themselves for finding a size 12 the teensiest bit tight, cooing over how defiant and cool she is; like it’s some unbelievable feat of courage to be chubby and entertaining all at the same time. The fact that Ms Ditto allows this, at times seems to revel in it, irks me beyond reason. The sentiments are no more than a half-baked attempt at ignoring body fascism in a world that positively thrives on it. Beth can stroll around semi-naked all she wants, but it’s not any genuine acceptance of anything; what remains is the slimster cultural norm. It’s a device to let people feel good about themselves, believe that they’re not shallow, all the while still fretting over the 2lbs they’ve gained since Easter.
It’s best I don’t get started on the stupid Gossip poster that’s right by my spot on the platform for the Tube coming home. Boob tubes DO NOT look good on anyone who isn’t skinny. That’s not social conditioning speaking, it’s fact. And for the love of Jaysus, she doesn’t even shave her ‘pits! This is not who I want the media to serve up as my representative, this mouthy fuck-off attitude that seems to suggest that being fat excuses you from any sense of modesty or propriety.
It’s not my own self-loathing that has found a target here, I genuinely don’t think she’s an attractive woman, and if some of the ‘right-on’ lefty brigade in the media would stop claiming her as some sort of conscience-salve, one or two of them might admit to feeling the same way too. Look at Dawn French, a big bit of a lass, but with a gorgeous face and striking features (albeit normally contorted or uglified by costumes and props).
I know there’s a simple solution – if I don’t want to be identified, it is I who will have to make the changes. So with a shiny new gym card clutched in my sweaty little mitts, we’ll just see if I can’t put myself in another bracket entirely.
To counter that little burst of negativity, here’s the best thing I’ve ever seen on YouTube: the Hillary lezzbian crush video!